Goodbye Is the Goal
There is a phrase in the world of dog rescue and fostering.
"Goodbye is the Goal."
When you foster an animal, you provide a temporary landing place for them to decompress, adjust, heal from surgery or trauma, or just wait for their forever home. You are making space and holding space for them. You are their caretaker and guide until they find their footing and new life.
Three weeks ago, I brought my firstborn to New Orleans and moved her into college. It was as much a rite of passage for me as it was for her.
It could have been a very stressful few days, but I told my daughter, Karma, "Hey, we will never get to do this again for the first time. Let's be nice to each other and enjoy this adventure."
With all the schlepping and hauling, the unpacking and organizing, move-in day was over before we had finished, and we each had to be in different orientation meetings at 5 p.m.
After a very impressive and inspiring presentation, the President of Tulane told the auditorium filled with parents that it was time to leave their children. They had it from here on out.
Right. I cried.
I did get to see Karma the next day. I helped her finish unpacking and assemble some room essentials we had purchased. But then, it truly was time to leave. I was already on borrowed time, a day after the parents were banished. We had our proper and tearful goodbye.
The profundity of holding seemingly opposite emotions within the same moment. My excitement for my daughter at her launching into her college years. Moving away from her family. Grief and sadness over her leaving.
LEAVING MY DAUGHTER ALONE IN A STRANGE CITY.
Memories of my parents bringing me to college. My mother cried as they left me on a corner in NYC, alone.
The next morning, my BFF, Janet, who is also very active in the dog rescue community, texted me to ask how my heart was. I sent her a selfie of me crying in the airport. She responded with this,
"Goodbye is the goal."
I immediately began texting her back incredulously, "Oh, was I just fostering her for 18 years????"
But as I hit the send button, the metaphorical anvil fell from the sky right onto my head.
Yes. That is, in fact, exactly what I have been doing these past 18 years.
Every cell in my body softened and the tears flowed more.
As parents, we are fostering our children so that they can launch well, far, and free.
It is time for her to find her footing, stake her claim, and go after her dreams.
Roots and Wings.
It was so comforting, so right. My heart was bursting open and overflowing.
Time to foster some puppies.....
Wishing you all a wonderful September.
With so much love,
Kari